'Mojo' Recovery - Improving Wellbeing for Men
Happiness at times can appear to have abandoned us, or to have become swamped by other emotions, especially when we struggle with relationship breakups, grief and other difficulties, disappointments and losses. As men try and cope and adapt to these life events, we can get hooked into patterns of thinking and behaviour (fight, flight, freeze, numb or please) that can isolate us, damage relationships and reduce our quality of life and wellbeing. Unfortunately when men start struggling or become depressed, instead of being able to be vulnerable with those that care about us, we withdraw, or become irritable, angry and sadly often take this out on our partner and family. The research into happiness indicates that the primary determinant, is not our success or status, but the quality of the bonds we have within our families, with those we love, in our workplaces and in our communities. Regaining happiness is therefore a very difficult proposition for men who, withdraw, isolate and push their loved ones away.
In my 25 years experience as a counsellor working with men, I am often left in awe, at how determined men are to struggle and soldier on, often in silence, as they face life's challenges and difficulties. Not only do men leave coming to counselling, until there has been a significant breakdown in their lives, they also struggle to reveal what is going on, even to those closest to them. Men carrying the burden, single handedly, does have its benefits, in that it can protect others, especially loved ones, from the stresses of life. However this internalised and often secret distress can become profoundly debilitating. I have found as a man, that we are not really taught that an essential element of building a resilient life, is to be able to share and be vulnerable with others, whilst still being able to retain our sense of self. The problem is, for a lot of men, vulnerability is to be avoided at all costs, that it is a sign of weakness, that one will be laughed at and preyed upon. But truly, vulnerability is a natural and normal state, that actually builds relationships as it opens up the space for nurturance and communality. It is when men open up and connect that they can both recover their mojo and their happiness.
Men who, have often covered up the wounds and the broken bonds they suffered as children, often tough life out, armour up, or seek temporary relief in their addictions; including alcohol, drugs, work, sex, pornography, fitness, status and on it goes. This way of living is highly stressful as it is impossible to not be repeatedly 'hooked' when our implicit or emotional memories from childhood are triggered and we react primarily to protect the wounded part of ourselves, but in the process create further wounds in our partners and children. When we interact with life in ways that are not linked with our true intentions and values, we can accidentally create a destructive cycle of behaviour, that leads to further problems and distress. In this stuck place it is hard to even contemplate welcoming happiness back into our live's, let alone create the opportunity and space to change our patterns of behaviour. Mojo recovery counselling is a wonderful opportunity to change your life and again say hello to happiness.
If you can answer 'yes' to 3 of the following questions, then attending Mojo Recover Counselling could be for you:
1. Has your partner stated - "you are not the man you used to be?"
2. Are you the exciting, engaging father you want to be?
3. Are you just surviving life rather than living it?
4. Have you begun to blame and take your stress out on your loved ones?
5. Are you feeling anxious and stressed?
6. Are you struggling to recover from a broken heart (including the death of a loved one or the breakdown in a relationship)?
7. Have you been knocked around by life and you are struggling to bounce back?
8. Has bitterness and resentment begun to have a significant influence on your life?
9. Have you been bottling up your problems and emotions?
10. Have you talked about what happened to you as a boy - have you disclosed your wounds?
11. When hooked do you wound people you love?
12. Do you get irritable, impatient and angry?
13. Have you lost your sex drive?
14. Are you drinking or using other substances to gain temporary relief?
15. Are you seeking temporary relief in other addictive behaviours?
Brent has over 25 years experience working with male depression, teaching men anger management and non violent communication, stress management and relaxation. He has stood with men as they face major life changes, including heart break, job loss and changes in their own wellbeing. Brent combines his multiple counselling skills with his mindfulness based stillness meditation teaching skills, to provide a holistic approach to men's wellbeing issues.
His counselling sessions will assist you to, destress and separate yourself from the thoughts and beliefs that are limiting your life. You will begin a journey towards living a more compassionate, fulfilling and exciting life. You will learn to identify and understand your hooks and triggers, becoming more emotionally agile in the process, allowing you to be more present and emotionally engaged in your relationships. This journey will have its challenges, failures and ups and downs, as you begin to take the risk to experiment with how you engage with yourself and others, but in the end, it is a journey worth taking.
Counselling hours: Brent runs his Lower Hutt counselling practice on a Monday, Tuesday and his Kapiti office on a Wednesday and Thursday.
Location of counselling rooms:
Lower Hutt - First Floor, 217 High Street, Lower Hutt.
Paraparaumu - First Floor, Coastlands, Paraparaumu.
Fees: Brent's counselling rate is $100.00 (incl GST) per session, to be paid at the end of each session - cash, cheque or internet banking.
To make an appointment: Phone Brent (04) 293 7355 or directly to his mobile 027 511 3555 or email him by filling out contact form click here