Creating a loving and secure relationship:
Brent brings over 20 years experience as a relationship counsellor to assist you to become aware of the destructive dance you have gotten into and to then learn how to build the bonds between the two of you, to create a virtuous cycle of increasing safety and trust. To be in a wholehearted relationship, both parties need to be able to be vulnerable, tender and curious with one another. Brent's counselling utilises attachment theory, to encourage couples to become more understanding of their individual (self protective) behaviour as well as the dance they get into. Although it feels like a real mess to the couple, there are ways to quickly engage couples in new ways of relating to each other. To understand and make sense of their own reactions; that their withdrawal or their pursuit of the other, is often an unsophisticated and a misplaced intention to reduce one's anxiety and fear about their losing the connection they had with their partner. That if one can learn to understand how central secure attachment is to our wellbeing, we can then make deliberate choices to build emotional safety and connection.
Relationship counselling is primarily about encouraging couples to breakout of the destructive patterns of behaviour (the dance) that has lead them to creating an emotionally unsafe relationship. In this place, it is easy to blame and criticise each other, which further breaks down their attachment with each other. With this breakdown in connection, there are declining levels of trust; we stop feeling safe, begin to think there is something wrong with us, that we are not good enough for our partner, or that our partner no longer supports or understands what is going on for us.
On a deep level we begin to feel that we are no longer their "special one", as we no longer believe our partner has our back, or is there for us, or 'gets' us on an emotional level. If anything, we begin to believe they are the cause of all our suffering and pain. In this painful and distressing place it is not surprising that people become self protective; no longer taking the risk to be vulnerable, (losing the ease of lovers), curious or present, leading to further disconnection and pain. As intimacy and being able to emotionally attune to each other, are now locked away from each other, resentment, criticism, judgement, blame, anger, and withdrawal, can take their place.
The relationship is in real trouble if one of the couple, begins to think to themselves "I could do better, I don't need this crap." If you begin to think like this, you may no longer be committing to the relationship, but are in fact actively sabotaging it. In this destructive state of mind you are then vulnerable to either internally or externally trashing your partner rather than honouring and cherishing them. In this extremely painful place resentment begins to fester. For relationships to prosper we need to invest effort into fixing it, to sacrifice ourselves for the relationship and help create emotional safety for both of us.
This counselling, with effort and commitment, will transform your relationship.
Counselling hours: Brent runs his Lower Hutt counselling practice on a Monday and Tuesday and his Kapiti office on a Thursday and Friday.
Location of counselling rooms:
Lower Hutt - First Floor, 217 High Street, Lower Hutt.
Paraparaumu - First Floor, Coastlands, Paraparaumu.
Fees: Brent's relationship counselling rate is $115.00 (incl GST) per session, to be paid at the end of each session - cash, cheque or internet banking.
To make an appointment: Phone Brent on (04) 293 7355 or directly to his mobile 027 511 3555 or email him by filling out contact form click here
Please contact Brent to arrange a counselling appointment.